Saturday nights are a mixed bag for me. During the work week I crave the sweet respite of my cozy living room. I imagine curling up in super cute PJ's with a home design magazine and some herbal tea and just living the life. But it never really works out that way. The super cute PJ's end up being an old t-shirt and the design magazine is a grad school textbook and the tea is almost always a diet Coke. And I'm okay with that, really. But sometimes, like tonight, that quiet haven I dragged myself through the week for starts to feel like the walls are moving in on me. I'd turn and tell someone but there isn't anyone there to tell. It's weird how we're not supposed to admit if we ever find ourselves lonely. I've stopped admitting it, even to myself. People look at you with a weird sort of pity if you say it out loud. Constantly having people around you is a kind of validation of the self, so being lonely can only be a fundamental failure of sorts. I am a fundamental failure of sorts is what my inner voice tells me. To be fair, I do have lots of people in my life. I have lots of friends and family, and I spend time with them all in spades. I am social and outgoing. I don't mind being alone but I hate being lonely. I swear, there is something different about the air on Saturday nights. It's heavy and unsustaining and seems to settle more on my shoulders than in my lungs. The whole thing makes me feel very small. But the stars seem small in the night sky too and they seem pretty okay with it, so I will try to be too.
9 Comments
Karen
3/4/2017 06:20:43 pm
Ah...I remember many Saturday nights with my grad school textbooks! May you enjoy May you enjoy your quiet moments alone, but never feel alone!
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3/4/2017 06:34:40 pm
Saturday night here: I am reading nonfiction for the 2018 Robert F. Sibert Committee that I am serving on and drinking sparkling water, seated next to my dog. You are not alone!
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Jennie B
3/4/2017 06:59:15 pm
You are not a fundamental failure of sorts! I found it comforting to think about how Wonder Woman is also single and probably has the same lonely feelings.
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Carol McBroom
3/4/2017 07:25:54 pm
Your writing is beautiful, poignant. I think everyone feels that loneliness, even amidst family members and friends, and you seem to have captured that feeling, along with your way of getting to the other side of it. Thank you.
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Michelle Strezo
3/4/2017 09:29:50 pm
Robyn such a great piece of writing... and may I remind you where I spend my Saturday nights? You did a great job capturing the feeling perfectly!
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Natalie
3/5/2017 10:49:10 am
Really good writing here. I love your funny, light stuff, but it was nice to see this side of you too.
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3/5/2017 12:23:06 pm
This is lovely, Robyn. It's a little bit funny (the tea is almost always a Diet Coke), a little bit poetic, and a lot of bit true. I lived by myself for like five years before I got married, and I totally get what you're saying. Being alone is nice. Feeling lonely is not.
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AUTHORReese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS. MY FAVORITE POSTS |