"The stomach flu is going around. Did you hear? It's the worst flu anyone has ever had in the history of ever. My best friend Bethany's Sister's Mother-in-Law's hairdresser got it and ended up in the hospital. Someone said it's just a 24 hour thing, but I think it might be a 48 hour thing or a 72 hour thing or a 96 hour thing."
I got the flu shot. Did they get the flu shot? Did the people next door get the flu shot because I'm pretty sure I saw their toddler sneeze and wipe it on their sleeve the other day. Does the flu shot even work on the stomach flu? Oh God, we're all gonna die. This is Defcon 5! This is not a drill people!
If you'll just excuse me while I gorge on 14 dry Airborne packets.
You know what? I'm being irrational. Back away from the Neti-pot woman, and handle this like a rational adult. There is no need to panic. I, simply refuse the flu this year. This is me, making a conscious choice to not get the stomach flu. That is totally how this works and the flu will just have to respect my bodily autonomy on this issue. See? Handled.
"I'll have the Huevos Rancheros, and could I get some more tortilla chips? I'll take the spicy salsa, thanks for asking."
Good times, good times.
Am I dying? I feel like I’m dying. Someone feed my cat when I'm gone.
No es bueno.
Reese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS.
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