My friend keeps telling me that the grocery store is the best place to get a date. Which is exactly the kind of thing someone who isn't single would say. Attached people are chock full of this kind of "helpful" advice. But I'm calling it. The grocery store "meet-cute" is an urban myth. Except at Whole Foods. I totally believe this happens there all the time, to which I say...good. You people deserve each other.
Not for nothing, but expecting me to chat up random strangers in a grocery store is an exceptionally bad take. Allow me to state the obvious: unbalanced people buy groceries too. Being a human who requires sustenance isn't exactly a qualifier of any kind.
Has cart, will travel (aisles).
Besides, I'm not at the grocery store to get a date. I'm there for Totino's pizza rolls and tampons.
And kitty litter.
And diet cherry Coke.
Case in point: I went to the grocery store this weekend in sporty ankle socks and ballet flats. Let that sink in for a minute. What could any man expect from a woman in public unironically wearing a t-shirt that says I woke up like this? Because I did...wake up like that. I wore my big ol' nerdy glasses and had my hair in a messy bun (an actual messy bun, not one of those cute ones that count as a real hairstyle).
I don't even know what I would say to such a paragon of mankind.
"Food huh?....Yeah....I like food".
[said coyly] "Do you know where the organic Doritos are?" [twirls hair].
Ugh, I'm going to die alone.
If you need me, I'll be in the boxed wine section.
Reese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS.
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