My neighbors have a penguin. An awful, melamine, life-sized penguin on their front porch. Or I should say, they did...
A couple of thoughts.
Firstly, I feel legitimately upset on behalf of anyone who experiences the violation that is theft, tacky penguin or no. And no, I didn't take it, not even for the sake of wacky hijinx. I might want to rearrange your battalion of pink flamingos into a complex game of croquet in the middle of the night (complete with flamingo-sized sweater vests and wickets) but I wouldn't actually do it. But on the other hand, we're not exactly talking about objet d'art here either. To me, lawn decor is the bedazzling of landscape design. I get that you picked up that garden fairy from Krafty Korner in 1986, but it's time to let it go. Seriously. So enter the small, terrible part of me that is relieved I won't have to look at that faded, sad penguin ever again. Later, as I was cooking dinner (okay, fine, eating dry cereal out of the box if you want to be a jerk about it) I found myself thinking about what happened to that penguin. Did the Penguin run off with the Travelocity Gnome after breaking up with the Goose on the porch down the block? You know, I just knew that Gnome was trouble, I've been saying it for years! I really thought Penguin and Goose were going to make it. If you've taken my neighbor's penguin, they'd really like it back, okay? No questions asked. ***** Dear Neighbors, I'm sorry your penguin was stolen. I've made you a faux-photostory of what your penguin might be up to. Your penguin is in a better place(s) now. I hope it brings you comfort during this difficult time. Although (and I hate to have to be the one to tell you this) it appears your penguin will be voting for Donald Trump.
10 Comments
3/10/2016 01:20:16 pm
Oh my gosh this post is fall down on the floor, almost-screamed-while-sitting-at-my-desk-reading-it-and-caused-colleagues-to-come-running- funny! The description on the 31 slices site pulled me in. I thought about the Travelocity Gnome before even getting to that part of your writing. This is great! Thanks for sharing.
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3/10/2016 03:21:40 pm
Love, love, LOVE!!!
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3/10/2016 06:31:09 pm
Hi-larry-us! I love hearing your "wheels turn". I miss it; I miss you! BTW should I relocate my naked goose (I never did dress her) to the backyard to diminish my children's embarrassment?
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berries781
3/10/2016 06:33:04 pm
So many thoughts...
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3/10/2016 06:39:15 pm
OMG! I am laughing my head off right now! My kids just walked in and asked if I was okay! Seriously, you need to write a book. Just take all these posts and put them in a book. People will buy it!
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Anne Marie
3/10/2016 07:49:30 pm
That video was perfect! I am so glad you captured the Penguin's special moments. Your neighbors need to understand that if you love someone let them go!
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3/11/2016 08:32:00 am
Oh my G*d. Rachel and I read this and watched the video and were dying.
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Erin
3/11/2016 07:46:05 pm
"Bedazzling of landscape design" is the best line. Ever. And "eating dry cereal out of the box if you want to be a jerk about it...." The best.
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Toni Senese
3/16/2016 07:40:15 pm
This is, literally amazing!! I was dying laughing and the video just put me over the edge!! Great writing, too hilarious!
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AUTHORReese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS. MY FAVORITE POSTS |