I just spent 26 minutes googling "scalp pain." The estimable and not-at-all-made-up things on the internet indicate I have a B-12 deficiency and resulting kidney failure. Or, I just dug my claw-clip into my scalp too hard. But I'm going with the first one, and you don't have to take my word for it. WebMD told me, so it's serious, possibly fatal. To be clear, WebMD is the Devil. The Devil has an app in the App Store- a free one. I'm pretty sure Candy Crush has similar origins.
This is me, on WebMD, every.single.time. And scene... Got it. -scrolls- Had it. -scrolls- Probably going to get it. -scrolls- Oh look, a symptom checker! (Right, because this is going to end well). Why, yes, I do have fatigue... I have been feeling achy... (gasp). Headaches, too! WebMD says it's either late stage Lyme disease, or, you know, seasonal allergies. It's definitely the Lyme disease thing though. Probably.
14 Comments
berries781
3/5/2016 02:27:54 pm
I think it's lupus...oh wait, it's never lupus...
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3/5/2016 04:15:23 pm
OMG, you make me laugh so much I'm in pain! I just love how your voice shines in this piece! You can now teach writing! Oh wait, you will be...in April....on the 23rd! LOVE IT!
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Randall K
3/5/2016 04:28:52 pm
Sarcoidosis was on every episode of House!!!
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berries781
3/5/2016 07:19:40 pm
Yes! Although I don't think it ever ended up being that either...
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Marie
3/5/2016 04:44:43 pm
Lol. So funny and so true! I once looked up "white lines on my finger nails". Trust me.... Don't go there!
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Jeanne
3/5/2016 05:02:59 pm
Haha. So true! If anyone says they haven't gone to Wed MD and thought they were dying at least once is a liar.
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3/5/2016 06:49:14 pm
Lol lol lol - I'm the same way but I never could have captured it as well as you did here! Hilarious.
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Anne Marie
3/8/2016 06:24:32 pm
Imagine being a primary care physician, or pediatrician, how many times a day they must hear about WebMD! I am sure everytime a patient thinks they have diagnosed themselves based on an online symptom checker a little part of them dies.
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Erin
3/11/2016 07:54:35 pm
WebMD gave me lupus. I can totally relate. Also, how do I follow your blog? You are hilarious!!!
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AUTHORReese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS. MY FAVORITE POSTS |