I have a problem. I can't say "no." I recognize that it's getting worse and I am starting to suffer. I'm no shrinking violet (as anyone who knows me will attest) so I question why I've begun to lose myself in an endless cycle of agreeability and compliance. When did this music teacher lose her voice?
Why can't I just say "no" like a normal person? I think sometimes it's because I take the request as a weird sort of compliment, like the whole thing is the Oscars and I'm Sally Field going, "You like me, you really like me!" Other times it's because blindly agreeing lessens the immediate anxiety I feel over saying "no." Because saying "no" for me is never just about saying "no." It's also about the inevitable guilt of having said "no," followed by a predictable stammered over-explanation and apology for why I've said "no," topped off with a bout of insomnia and an ode to every possible repercussion (real or imagined) of having uttered a "no." Honestly, saying "no" is so exhausting. But the thing is, agreeing is just momentary relief because then you have to actually go and do the thing that's been asked of you, and you end up unfulfilled, overwhelmed, resentful, and even more anxious. And yet I keep doing this to myself; *kicking the can down the road to it's inevitable, more fraught end. I've started collecting these affirmations to say to myself in the decisive moments. I did not write these, I've found them all over the interwebs:) I hope that in time, I might start to live them even if I have a hard time believing them in the moment.
*This is a phrase I can't even begin to understand. Do you bring your own can to kick or is it like a random can that you found? Is someone loitering? Why would someone kick the can instead just picking it up and recycling it? Is it an empty can or like an unopened can of diet Coke? Is it safe to drink random road Coke in this scenario? Asking for a friend. Why is someone in the middle of the road kicking cans anyway? That does not seem safe. Those are the real questions here, people!
5 Comments
Oh my!! I am sitting at your journal feet to reconfirm this danger in being too accommodating. I wrote in a similar thread tonight.
Reply
3/21/2017 11:44:17 pm
apparently the expression and the game are not related, http://grammarist.com/usage/kick-the-can-down-the-road/
Reply
3/22/2017 07:41:00 am
Yes, Robyn! Take control of your life. I love the line: When did this music teacher leave her voice?
Reply
Michelle Strezo
3/22/2017 04:37:03 pm
I love the list of affirmations, I may need to borrow some of them. Thank you for the reminder that it is "ok" to say no!
Reply
Natalie
3/22/2017 07:04:06 pm
Yes! Learn to say no! I always appreciate everything you do, but you don't always have to be the one to do it! I feel like sometimes you almost say yes before someone even asks you to do something too. So I think it's not just about saying no, but also just knowing when not volunteer to do things!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AUTHORReese: Elementary Music Teacher in Chicagoland. Clarinetist and Trumpeter.
I'm writing a Slice of Life every day for the month of March as part of the Slice of Life Challenge. See more at TWO WRITING TEACHERS. MY FAVORITE POSTS |